


A Fantasy Made Painfully Real

by TreeDreamer



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Gen, Modern Girl in Thedas, POV Female Character, POV First Person, Self-Insert, Slow Burn, Swearing, Tarot, The Fade
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2018-07-12 06:53:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7090390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TreeDreamer/pseuds/TreeDreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What in the actual f*** is going on here?” –Me, when stuck in Thedas, probably.<br/>A blatant self-insert, but with an attempt on my part to have the plot actually make some kind of sense and to explore what the realities of being a Modern Girl in Thedas might actually be like. Serious but I also have a sense of humor.<br/>What to expect; a lot of swearing on my part, tarot readings, calling people out on their problematic sh*t, trying to get everyone to like me, me nearly dying repeatedly because I am not a badass, and me trying to give all the companions hugs and support because they actually need some.<br/>Currently no romance planned but who knows?<br/>The slowest of burns. Blatant wish fulfillment at times. Cannon divergence.<br/>Tags will be updated as needed. No graphic violence as of yet, but definitely planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Mysterious Path

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I read tarot cards. And I believe in spirits and stuff irl. The deck I use in this is The Dark Grimoire Tarot by Michele Penco. 10/10 would recommend. P.S Everything created by Bioware is obviously theirs, the only things I own are myself, the words I’ve written, and my identity as Dragon Age loving fangirl trash.  
> Won't be seeing many DA characters until the next chapter, please bear with me.

I fill my heart with warmth, my energy filling my body and then sinking into the ground. Weighing me here.

I pick up the cards. _Somethings not right, I’m stuck, I need to ask._ I think to myself as the familiar pull to the cards grows stronger. I shuffle them, clearing my mind, and I let Spirit come to me.

 _I hear you calling to me, I feel you pulling me. What do I need to know?_ I ask with my mind. My hands are shaking with all the weird ass energy that has been surrounding me the last half hour, making my soul feel weird.

I feel an itch on my back. They’re here, waiting. Whoever “they” are.

As soon as I think that, a chunk of cards tumbles out of my deck. It still freaks me out when they do that.

I put the rest of the cards to the side of me, gently placing them on the carpet of my bedroom floor. My floor hasn’t been vacuumed in a while, and I don’t like putting my cards on unclean surfaces, but fuck it, I think the cards will appreciate that I’ve been too sick to function and that this is important.

I readjust my sitting position, folding my legs out as I pick up the cards that fell. There is about a quarter of the deck in my hands, but I know that I will only need the top 6…

_Celtic cross, first 6 positions, the rest can wait…_

My fingers move swiftly, with familiarity. Placing the cards out in sequence is so natural to me now. I place them face down;

_The current situation, the defining blocker, the surface of it all, the heart of the matter, the influences on both sides—now and future…_

I place the remaining cards to the other side of me, opposite to the rest of the deck. I breath a long breath out, relaxing my shoulders, before I reach over and start flipping cards over, one after the other. I barely stop to look at the cards as I flip them, feeling a pull to the last card and to seeing the reading as a whole. I flip over the last card and… _What the fuck._

I run my fingers over the cards, pure disbelief but a tingle of understanding pricking at the back of my mind.

I see myself, as the Queen of Pentacles, _looking like a_ _noble. Trying to hide behind my marks, scars, convenient lies._

 _The six of wands._ I see the spirits, --or an energy, being— someone or something acting as a messenger, as a guide. _You need to come with me._ I feel an energy whisper from the card.

_The Emperor. Power. The Herald, looking seriously towards a man standing in judgement, my advisors beside me. My advisors? Why are the cards showing me this?_

“What the actual fuck?” I utter under my breath. “This can’t be real.”

 _The Ace of Swords._ A book flying open. _A new beginning in a new world._ Pages slipping out.

 _Temperance._ There is a woman, pouring a glowing light into the cup of a man kneeling in front of her. There are others lining up behind him. _Otherworldly. A silent mystery. Borderline heretical._ There is a fountain behind her, glowing the same as what she is pouring. _Hidden depths, hidden trials, people will hate you and love you. The same as always, but different._

And finally, _The Tower, reversed_. _The world being turned upside down. Falling through. I need to stop the monsters from falling through. The world is splitting open. I need to go._

“I need to go!” I gasp. _The is ridiculous_ , a part of me thinks. I shouldn’t believe this, this can’t be real, _this can’t be happening._

My body feels like it’s moving on its own. I’m pulling myself to my feet, my hands collecting the tarot cards, placing them all back into their little velvet bag.

 _I’ll need them. Why do I need them? Does it matter? The cards matter._ Thoughts race through my head as I find myself pulling out my black waterproof backpack and shoving them in there.

 _I’m beginning to sound like Cole._ I muse half-heartedly as my body continues to move seemly by instinct.

 _Take what pulls you. You won’t be able to take everything, just the clothes on your back and whatever you can fit in that bag._ That whispering voice echoes in my head again.

I start flitting around my room grabbing things. I grab some of my rings, the ones with crystals in them or that have intricate metalwork, and put them on my fingers. I grab a few of my other tarot decks, my two sets of runes and their guidebooks, and put them in too.

I put my crystal collection —Mostly small tumbled stones but some bigger bits, pieces of raw quartz, my quartz wand, a little amethyst cluster, my selenite orb— into a brown bag and into my back pack. _I can’t take the big amethyst, that’s too heavy. But I’m going to need as much good energy on my side as possible._ I think as I clutch my greenstone necklace with my left hand, my right continuing to pack.

My hands go for my books on dream interpretation, both volumes of The World of Thedas, my pink leather journal, my nice pen, and my glasses case-- _fuck, my glasses are going to stand out, aren’t they? Better take them off later._ I put the case in my backpack anyway: While I could survive without glasses, I know I’m likely to get headaches if I go too long not wearing them.

I also put in some spare undies, spare bras, spare socks, as well as my super warm woollen gloves and a couple miscellaneous items of clothing. My big white woollen jumper is thrown on my bed. _I’ll need that._ A couple different sizes of crochet hooks and my darning and sewing needles go in a pocket.

I blitz around my room and house grabbing things on autopilot, in such a state that I don’t even recognize what else I put in my bag. Suddenly I’m in my room again, staring at my wardrobe.

I ponder the contents of my wardrobe, and then at what I’m wearing. _Pyjamas, no bra, and a woollen shrug probably isn’t going to cut it._ I think to myself, pulling out my long navy blue gipsy-style dress, the one with all that intricate embroidery that I never wear because it’s too formal. I pull out my tan wool coat and my chocolate coloured silk scarf, as well as a woollen beanie. _Better make that two._ I think, chucking the second one onto the growing pile of clothes on my bed.

I change into my dress, with a thermal singlet and a long-sleeved thermal top underneath. I also put on some polar fleece leggings and a pair of warm socks. I put my white jumper on, and put my wool coat in my bag. I might be going crazy right now, but if I’m going where I think I’m going, I don’t particularly want to die from hypothermia.

I shove my scarf and the beanies in my bag. Honestly at this point I feel like I’m legitimately going crazy. I don’t want to believe that feeling in my chest, that knowing that I’m going to that place. _That I’m going to a place that sane people know is fictional. It’s just a game, it’s not real._ I freeze in place.

 _But what if it is real?_ The thought is but a whisper. There is a stillness that appears in my soul at that moment.

“This is it” I say out loud, “This is when we decide whether to take the leap of faith or not.”

Every fibre of my being responds with a simple word:

_Go._

And so I go.

I pick up my bag, flinging it over my shoulder, and I make for the door. Stopping only just long enough to put my black leather boots on. The feeling of my body dragging me forward on its own returning in full force.

My family is asleep, as it is the middle of the night. Part of me feels like I need to say goodbye or at least leave a note telling them not to worry, but the other part of me is still thinking that I’ll go where I’m being pulled, and it’ll turn out that this was all absolute nonsense and I’m just losing my shit. What would I say to them anyway? _Hey guys, I’m just heading off to go leap into that Dragon Age world I can’t stop talking about._

Before I can even finish that thought I’m in my car, starting the engine. _Time to go._

I drive.

I drive not really knowing where I’m going. But I just head in the direction I feel pulled to.

 

I start to notice more and more spiritual energy as I get presumably closer to my destination. My ears ring loudly, and my eyes start to feel strained, blurry even.

That’s when I see the Riccarton Bush entrance about fifty meters in front of me. _There._

I pull over, take my glasses off and place them into their case and back into my backpack, before getting out of my car. The rain is beating down hard.

“Of course,” I grunt, “I’ve got to walk through the big spooky forest with the 600-year-old trees, in the middle of the night, in this windy rainy awfulness… All just to find out that I am in fact losing my mind. Fantastic.” I mutter to myself as I shut the car door behind me.

I can sense that there are a lot of spirits present, unfamiliar kind of spirits. But there is one that I _can actually see_ , standing at the entrance to the forest.

The being looks like the kindest pale blue light I have ever seen. And they are smiling at me. Beckoning me. They look more real than any spirit I’ve ever met. They still look more like light than solid matter, but I can see them with my eyes like they are physically here. _Awesome._

All I can do is follow, my hands tightening on the straps of my bag.

 _Show me._ My instinctual thoughts say, feeling that I don’t need to say it out loud for them to hear me.

The being, with a very thoughtful expression on their face, turns and runs into the forest. I run after it, forgetting for a moment why I’m here, I only think about not losing sight of them.

The spirit leads me into the forest, at first following the path, but then they jump off of it, waiting kindly for me to step off the track with them. I have to keep pretty close, because they are my only source of light other than the faint light of the moon that peaks through the trees, and this odd green light deep in the forest that we seem to be heading for.

I know I’ve probably only been walking for a few minutes given the size of the forest, but it feels like a very long time. _I wonder if I’m on spirit time right now._

I nearly trip on tree roots a few times, but mostly manage to keep pace with this strange being. I’m so focused on following them, that I don’t notice we are where we are meant to be until they stop abruptly. Causing me to nearly walk into them.

 _Here._ The being’s voice echoes in my head, it’s the same voice from earlier. _Touch it, and it will take you._ They say as they gesture to what we’ve stopped in front of.

I look up.

“Oh shit,” I gasp.

_That’s a fucking rift. Right here, in front of me._

It looks a lot _deeper_ than it did in the game. The colours are richer. It looks like I’m staring into _possibility_. I can see visions on the other side, people, Haven, Divine Justinia? The spiritual energy emanating from it is ridiculous. Now that I’m paying attention, I feel like the very seams of my body are being tugged at, like I’m being weighed down by ocean waves that are crashing over me.

 _There is little time, you must go now._ The being prods me in an understanding but firm tone. _Now._

 _Okay, I understand._ I reply. _Thank you for your help._ I tell them, feeling like I need to thank them for some reason.

 _You are welcome. Thank you for coming. You will be alright._ They smile at me gently.

I return the smile and then make my way to the rift, taking cautious steps. It feels expansive, but it’s like you can’t reach it until you get to the very middle.

The green light becomes overwhelming, my eyes shutting tightly while my left hand reaches out to the light. I move my hand around trying to reach what feels unreachable. I begin to think nothing is happening, when all of a sudden, the energy explodes.

_Whoosh._

_Bang._

_Thud._

I briefly recognize an uncomfortable pain course through my body as I’m blown back and my side hits into something painfully hard.

I struggle to breath for a moment, the air in my lungs having been completely knocked out from them. The entire right side of my body hurts. After a few moments of wheezing I manage to take some deep breaths.

The air is painfully fresh in my lungs, but it brings with it a bit of mental clarity.

I take in my surroundings.

Turns out that hard thing was a stone wall.

And the kind of wall I’d imagine to belong in a castle.

The wall is a side of a hallway, the side to my left curving away out of sight. In the other direction is a huge castle-like door, not five meters away from me.

_Where the hell am I? Am I in Haven? It doesn’t look like Haven. Where the fuck am I supposed to go?_

Just as I think it, I hear a loud resonating voice from the other side of the door. Even though I can’t hear the words, the muffled sound hits me in the chest.

 _That’s where I need to be._ The growingly familiar pulling feeling returns, urging me to the door.

I get to my feet as quickly as possible, slightly regretting all the shit I put in my bag.

 _I guess I better go through that door… even if part of me doesn’t want to know what’s on the other side._ I think briefly as I run to the door, hastily pushing it open—

“Someone, help me!” The Divine yells.

The actual fucking Divine.

She is being restrained by the glow-y green light from the orb in _holy shit that’s Corypheus’ hand_ right there, in the middle of this medieval-looking room, surrounded by Grey Warden mages.

I say nothing, eyes wide in shock.

The Divine, along with everyone else, looks at me. I see her eyes glow that same pale blue as the spirit for a split second, giving her the strength to knock the orb out of Corypheus’ hand.

The sparking orb flies across the room, then rolls to a stop a few feet in front of me.

_Shit._

I run to it on instinct, grabbing it with my left hand. Instantly regretting it as excruciating pain surges through my hand and up my arm, the orb reacting to my touch.

It surges with power, the green energy arching out like lightning, and then it explodes.

Everything goes black.

 

I awaken to find myself lying face down on a cold hard slab of rock.

I notice that a faint humming is emanating from the rock, and from frankly _everything_. I pull myself up to sit on my knees. My spine aches. My shoulders complain. Everything hurts. _God my backpack is heavy._

I look around to see nothing but dark grey rocks and cliffs as far as my eyes can see. Which isn’t that far because of a weird murky green mist that is swirling through the air all around me. It hums too.

“Oh wow, this is the fade, isn’t it? The physical version.” I realize, whispering to myself.

I stand up. My knees wobble a little. _That’s not a promising start._

“Ahhh, so I wonder when the giant spiders are going to show up? And oh god I’m going to have to climb that giant ass cliff while they chase me, aren’t I?” I continue talking to myself, finding it oddly calming. Filling the air myself is better than focusing on the creepy empty silence that perpetuates this place. I feel like I can’t look at any one place for too long for fear something is going to jump out at me.

“Wow, it must have been even more scary for all the Inquisitors who were going through all this blind.” I say absentmindedly as I start to walk through the mist. _At least I have the opportunity to mentally prepare myself._

As soon as I start walking, I see the tall cliff with the spirit of the Divine, or at least the spirit embodying the Divine, at the top. Her bright yellow light pierces through the mist. Thankfully the cliff isn’t quite as vertical as the game makes it seem, even though it’s still steep enough that I may legitimately fall down from it.

I don’t have much time to ponder the cliff any longer, because I hear half a dozen shrill skittering sounds behind me.

I turn to see spiders the size of small ponies coming towards me. _They have so many eyes._

“Holy craaaap.” I freak out as I turn back around and run towards the cliff, almost flinging myself up it. _So much for mental preparation!_

I hike up the cliff as quickly as possible towards the bright spirit, my hands taking turns hiking my dress up and grabbing the next bit of rock to drag myself up with. The spirit is reaching for me now, pleading with her energy for me to grab her hand. All I can hear are the spiders’ noises cutting through the sharp silence.

My boots struggle to get traction on the tiny bits of rock as the climb gets steeper, but my hands keep moving, my legs keep moving, I don’t fall. Thankfully.

The bright spirit is still reaching for me, and I’m close enough now that I start reaching for her too. I can hear the spiders’ pinchers nipping ever closer to my heels. _Just a little further._

_Almost. There._

I stretch my arm out to her.

She grabs my hand and I am enveloped in warm light, my eyes unable to focus on anything else as she pulls me up beside her.

She helps me stand up and walks me to the small rift a few feet away from us. Her arms usher me forward towards it, silently urging me to go through. Instinctually I reach up to cover my eyes, as I walk into the rift. The brightness is as unpleasant as ever. My legs are threatening to give out any moment now.

And they do, as soon as my feet find themselves on the other side of the rift.

I hear the footsteps and jingling of whom I guess are soldiers.

_I made it._

I hit the ground with a thud, and slip out of consciousness.


	2. Awakening in a World Known

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow where did that year and a half go! This chapter took way longer to upload than I thought it would (it’s been sitting pretty much finished on my computer since like two or three weeks after the first chapter was uploaded lol), mostly because I’ve been especially ill the last year (/the last 7 years lol rip me), and completely lost motivation! I’m not planning on updating to a strict schedule, but I have felt invigorated to pick this story up again, so will aim to keep this going as I can. Also I’ve edited the first chapter a bit, so if you read it before this update you may want to re-read?  
> P.S In this chapter (and possibly others?) there’s going to be a wee bit of dialogue from cannon characters taken directly from the game (most with tweaking though), as I felt like it was a bit unavoidable sometimes due to how the story plays out.

I wake to the sounds of rattling chains. I look down to realize they are _my chains._

_They are so heavy. They hurt so much._

As I take deep breaths in an attempt to regain my bearings, the cold air fills my lungs. I can smell rust and sweat and blood. It feels so damp and sharp in here. My back aches, but it feels amazingly light. They must’ve taken my bag when they found me.

I look around to find myself situated in the middle of a poorly lit cell. Presumably in Haven, given that the area outside my cell looks like the place Cassandra interrogates you in at the start of the game—But it’s so… filthy in comparison. Filthy and cold and scary.

Scary mostly because of the two soldiers standing on the other side of my cell door. They look at me with a gaze that says ‘As soon as we are permitted, we will run our swords through your heart without even blinking’.

_The game really glosses over how pissed everyone is with me huh?_

After they have sufficiently scared me shitless with their staring, they exchange a few whispered words to each other that I can’t hear. They then exit the room, likely to tell someone that I’m awake. Leaving me alone with my thoughts.

My body feels strange. It feels familiar, but something feels _different_. I feel a little woozy due to the strange feeling in my head.

_What happened? Did the fade do something to me?_

As I continue to look around, I notice that my vision feels better. Not that my eyesight was that bad to begin with, but my eyes don’t feel as strained as they normally would without glasses. But I remember them being sore when I was running from the spiders…

_Why would my eyesight have gotten better?_

I look down at my hands, and I see the mark. It’s a long jagged scar that runs diagonally across my palm. But it’s glowing that same colour as the rifts do. It’s spluttering energy out of it--

I clench my jaw, sucking in a breath. The pain is unpleasant to say the least.

_Maybe the mark has changed me?_ I consider through my closed eyes and forced breathing.

_But it’s not just that_ , I think. _My whole body is tingling. This energy isn’t normal. What the hell is this?_

I don’t have enough time to think about it further because the prison doors suddenly open.

In enters a handful of people, soldiers, including the two who left earlier, followed by Cassandra and Leliana themselves. In the flesh. _Woah._

Cassandra is even more rugged and beautiful and _angry_ than I thought possible. Leliana gazes at me with a look of both suspicion and vicious appraisal in her eyes. Oh if looks could uncover secrets. She looks calculatingly calm as she hovers behind Cassandra. _This is weird._

The guards from before open my cell door and drag me out to face Cassandra. My chained legs drag across the floor. It takes them a bit of effort due to how heavy I am, but _holy shit they are strong_. I’ll probably get bruises where they grabbed me.

Cassandra begins to circle around me, stopping behind my left shoulder.

“Tell me why we shouldn’t kill you now.” She says, leaning in. I am momentarily grateful that a language barrier isn’t going to be an issue. _I may still get myself killed if I’m not careful though. Look at how pissed she is._ I think as I continue to watch her move around me. Every step she takes is steeped in aggression.

“The Conclave is destroyed. Everyone who attended is dead. Except for _you_.” She stops in front of me, waiting for my response. _What do I even say? I wasn’t even in Thedas let alone the conclave until a spirit pulled me through the veil. Doubt she’d like that answer._

“I’m… I’m not responsible for that.” I say, my voice comes out exactly as in-shock as I am, but I manage to look her in the eyes and speak clearly. Their eyes briefly widen: I assume in response to my accent.

“Then explain _this_.” She replies, roughly picking up my hand that has the mark. My wrists ache from the strain of the tight iron cuffs. As she holds my hand, it gives off a bigger more painful spark than earlier. I squeeze my eyes shut, and she drops my hand.

I open my eyes and look at them. I don’t know how much I can tell them right now, but it’s probably best I avoid straight up lying as much as possible.

“There was… a man, he had an orb, and it glowed like this” I say gesturing to my hand, “I tried to stop him from using it, but the orb exploded anyway.”

“You’re lying!” Cassandra slams her hands onto my shoulders. I jump a little in shock and pain.

Leliana pushes her away from me.

“We need her Cassandra.” She warns, walking towards her to get her to back off.

Cassandra looks at me, then at Leliana, then she lets out a curt breath. They both approach me again.

“I’m so sorry about all the people that died. But I know I can help.” The words fall out of my mouth on instinct.

“Really? So you remember what happened? How you came to have that mark upon your hand?” Leliana questions.

“…Yes. As I said, there was a man with an orb… The Divine knocked it from his hand, and when I tried to grab it, the orb exploded, and sent me into the fade, as well as left this mark on my hand. In the fade I saw a woman… The Divine, I believe. I was being chased, and she helped me get out.” _I better not mention Corypheus by name for now. I wouldn’t know that unless I was conspiring with him._

Their eyes widen briefly at my mention of The Divine. _Ow, my chest. They’re hurting so much._

“The Divine? She helped you?” Leliana pushes.

“Yes… she did, she saved me.” I pause, thinking of how much she meant to them both. “I’m so sorry… it was her spirit. She didn’t survive the blast.” _My heart hurts. Why am I suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to cry? Ugh._

Their gazes soften, as they look at me with what I guess is empathy. _They’re hurting, and they’re seeing that hurt reflected in me… I’m literally feeling their pain?_

Cassandra turns to Leliana.

“Get to the forward camp, Leliana. I will take her to the rift.”

She obliges, nodding once in response before she turns to leave.

Cassandra quickly crouches in front of me, pulls a key from a pocket, and begins unlocking the shackles from my legs.

I don’t know what to say, so I say nothing.

“Come, I believe it’s best you see this for yourself.” She tells me, pulling me to my feet.

We walk through the doors past the guards. I can feel their eyes piercing into my back.

All I can see outside are a cluster of tents and the ground covered in snow. I have to shield my eyes because of how bright it is. The fresh snow on the ground is determined to reflect the sunlight into my eyes. My lungs burn with the incredibly fresh and cold air.

I hear the snow crunch under my feet as Cassandra walks out ahead of me. She stops and turns, looking at me intently.

I look up.

I feel like all the blood in my veins has left my body.

The Breach hurts to look at. It’s so huge and it looks like green wildfire that’s trying to swallow the sky whole. _It is trying to swallow the sky whole._ There is a pillar of bright light off in the distance that comes from the ground right into the middle of it. _That’s more than a little unnerving._ I gulp.

“We call it ‘The Breach.’ It’s a massive rift into the world of demons that grows larger with each passing hour.” Cassandra’s voice breaks me out of my trance.

“It’s not the only such rift, just the largest. All were caused by the explosion at the conclave.”

“ _Fuck_ , this is real.” I gasp, my eyes gluing once more to the hole in the sky.

“Yes, unfortunately. Unless we act, the breach may grow until it swallows the world.” _Yeah my thoughts exactly, Cassandra._

Suddenly the Breach gives off a huge burst of energy, and my hand feels like it’s being torn in two.

I collapse to my knees, crying out in pain. I clutch my hand to my chest. It’s uncomfortable, what with my wrists still being tightly chained together.

Cassandra kneels in front of me as I take deep breaths and cradle my hand, slowing calming myself.

“Each time the Breach expands, your mark spreads… And it is killing you.”

I look from my hand to Cassandra’s face, there is a sternness there, but also a tinge of sympathy.

“…I know.”

“It may be the key to stopping this, but there isn’t much time.”

“Okay… I’ll do whatever I can.” I simply state.

“Then…?” Her eyebrows raise.

“If you think I can help, I will. Whatever it takes.”

She looks at me with a look of pure shock, before helping me stand. _I guess she was expecting more reluctance, or at least more questions._

We begin walking through Haven, her hand on my back, escorting me. The people we pass look at me with anger, disgust. Some even look like they’re considering killing me on the spot. I can feel the air of grief surrounding everyone.

I notice that when I look at someone in the crowd I get a painful flash of a memory in my mind. In some of them I see The Divine smiling at me, in some it’s just a scream. Others I am holding someone as they die. Some of them flash by so quickly I see and hear nothing, just feel the person’s immeasurable grief in my chest.

I stop looking at anyone.

“They have decided your guilt. They need it. The people of Haven mourn our most holy, Divine Justinia-- as you well know. The Conclave was hers.”

“I know it doesn’t mean anything coming from me right now, but I’m so sorry for your loss. Yours and theirs.” I know she doesn’t trust me right now, but I can’t bring myself to say nothing in the face of Cassandra’s wavering voice.

She scrunches her eyebrows, looking at her feet as she continues walking, her face pondering.

“Could you tell me what was happening here, before the breach?” I try to change the subject. Not that I need to hear her answer, I just want to keep talking to her, to build rapport. _I’m going to need as much rapport with everyone as possible to have a chance of staying live. But I also just like Cassandra, she’s brave. I want her to like me too. God, that makes me sound so naïve._

“Do you not know? The mages and Templars had gathered at the conclave to negotiate a peace treaty. It was finally a chance for peace between them. The Divine brought their leaders together. Now, they are dead.” She takes a deep breath.

“We lash out, like the sky. But we must think beyond ourselves. As she did. At least until the Breach it sealed.”

I nod along to her words as we finally make it to the bridge out of Haven. So far everything has looked only vaguely similar to the game, although I suppose that’s what happens when you’re here in the flesh. But at least I have the knowledge of how the story goes. So I mostly know where I am, for now.

A guard opens the doors for us, and we walk in. There are injured men and woman sitting up against the sides of the bridge as well as a few people tending wounds. There’s also a couple different groups of soldiers clustered towards the other end.

Every one of them I look at elicits a twang of pain in my chest. The man with the bandage around his right arm makes mine ache too. Same with the woman wheezing in pain over at the far end of the bridge, when I look at her I can feel claws slicing through the skin on my chest. The woman looking with pained eyes at the chantry brother who is speaking to the group of her fellow soldiers, makes me think of my brother. Lying dead in a pool of blood. _So much blood._

I once again try to avoid looking at anyone, but it seems this time that isn’t enough. The images keep seeping in. _They hurt._

_What’s happening to me? Why am I seeing this? I wasn’t like this before._

_I was an empath, sure, but I wasn’t seeing someone else’s memories of their loved ones being ripped apart by a demon, or feeling their grief at seeing the conclave explode, knowing they are never going to see those people again._ I keep seeing my own family or friends in place of theirs, being killed right before my eyes. _This hurts. Make it stop._

I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to shut it all out.

Cassandra walks in front of me and turns to start undoing the chains around my wrists.

“There will be a trial. I can promise no more.” She tells me while concentrating on the lock. She doesn’t notice my continued whingeing at the overwhelming feelings in my heart and mind. _Just don’t look. Breath. We’ll get through this._

“Come, we must test your mark on something smaller than the Breach. It is not far.”

I rub my sore but free wrists as Cassandra walks up to the guards blocking the gate before us.

“Open the gate! We are heading into the valley.”

When we are let through the gate, I immediately feel a little bit of the weight in my heart lift. _There were too many people there, too much grief._

But that peace of mind is quickly replaced by fear as we turn the corner.

There are balls of fire, green like the Breach, plummeting from the sky, _everywhere_. The gradual incline up the path towards the valley is covered in debris, barricades, patches of fire, stationed soldiers-- _dead soldiers_.

_Ok brain, let’s not think about how fucked up this all is. Or about how fucking screwed we are regardless of the mark. Fuck, we’re almost at the demons. Nope, nope, nope, not thinking about it._

Cassandra starts jogging up the path, and I follow suit. I quickly fall behind, my level of fitness painfully made clear. I can feel my sweat already making my jersey uncomfortable and stickily hot. I am momentarily glad that my hair clip has survived thus far and is keeping my hair up in a bun and off my neck.

We pass some soldiers who are running back to the bridge.

“Maker, is this the end… Is this the end of the world?” I hear one of them say to themselves. _Ow, don’t look at them. Don’t look at them._

I’m so focused on not looking at the soldiers that I completely forgot what happens next.

The breach bursts again, making my hand once more feel like it’s being torn in two. I stagger, trip over myself, then I fall and skid on my knees for a few feet. I roll into the foetal position, trying to hold myself together.

Cassandra must have heard my noises, because she stops and jogs back to me. She helps me up again and pats me on the shoulder.

“The pulses are coming faster now.” She says in a sympathetically matter-of-fact tone. _No shit, Cassandra. That line is even less comforting than it was when I was just watching a character go through this excruciating pain._ I can’t help but glare at her a little as she turns and continues moving up to the top of the hill.

We make it over the hump of the hill and start walking down the other side. I’m thankful for the slowed pace. The familiar increasing ache in my back and bones reminding me that even if I survive all this I’m going to be fucked tomorrow.

“The more the Breach spreads, the more rifts appear… the more demons we will face. Prepare yourself.” Cassandra suddenly explains.

We are pretty close to the next bridge.

“Everything farther into the valley was laid to waste. Including the Temple of Sacred Ashes.” She continues, “I suppose you will see soon enough— “

“Wait!” I say, grabbing her arm. _The wildfire! It’s going to collapse the bridge!_

“What?” She says, jerking her arm out of my grip.

“It should be happening about now! The fire from the Breach! We have to warn the guards!” I say, completely forgetting that I shouldn’t be able to know this. She looks at me with suspicion, while I run the few steps to the edge of the bridge.

“Hey! You guys! You all need to get off the bridge! The fire from the Breach is going to fall here!” I yell out to the guards on the far side of the bridge. They seem to have heard me, but they just look at me like I’m mentally unstable. Cassandra is looking at me like that too.

_I don’t care. They need to get away from here._

“Look I know I sound crazy, but just think that while you’re on the other side of that gate, alive!” I add.

They look at Cassandra. She looks at me. She sighs.

“I don’t know what you’re taking about Prisoner, but there is— “

“No, listen. I’m serious. I know I have no reason to know this, but I do. Please, I don’t want them to get hurt.” I rush.

She looks at me seriously, then sighs again. She turns to the guards who are still looking at us.

“Do as she says! Get to the other side of the gate!” She calls over to them. Thankfully they do as they’re told.

“Thank you.”

“I really have no idea why you’re saying such ridiculous things, there is no— “

She is interrupted, this time not by me, but by the aforementioned big ball of fade fire slamming into the side of the bridge. It makes a horrible booming sound as it completely obliterates the bridge. It collapses into a big pile of rubble right before our eyes.

The soldiers who are standing by the doorway of the gate, having just walked through, look at the rubble, then at us. I look at them too, just as wide-eyed as they are.

“Thank the Maker.” I say with a breath.

“How did you know?” Cassandra starts.

“I… I saw it in the fade.” I say as simply as I can, resorting to some good ‘ol Solas bullshittery. She frowns, but drops the subject.

_Wow, that really does work huh?_

“Well, I suppose we must climb down then.” She says gesturing to the remaining edge of the bridge.

“Yeah.”

She artfully drops herself down over the ledge and begins her decent to the frozen lake below us. I carefully follow. Luckily there is enough of the rubble that we only have to climb a few steps down before we can just drop the short distance to it.

Unfortunately, I land with a foot on a wobbly stone. I trip over and proceed to skid down the rubble, landing at the bottom with my belly and face pressed against the ice. But at least all that did was just hurt my knees and skin my hands. I notice about a foot away from me is a very sharp jagged piece of stone.

_Wow ok that was a close call._

“Demons!” Cassandra suddenly calls out in front of me.

_Oh fuck._

“Stay behind me!” She commands as I scramble to my feet.

I look across the ice to see three swirling portals gradually increasing in size until they abruptly pop with unsettling energy.

Out of the ground emerges what looks like a literal interpretation of horror. The three of them look inhuman, pure evil in the bodies of malformed bulky flesh. They make ear piercing screeching sounds as they finally notice Cassandra and I. Their teeth look sharp as needles.

I freeze. _This can’t be real… They can’t be…_

“Get behind me!” Cassandra yells once more when she sees I’m not moving. She has already pulled her sword and shield out, and is standing in a defensive position.

My mind is frozen in fear, but I somehow manage to move my legs. _I just need to get to her. I’m going to be fine, we’re going to be fine._

I cower about a metre behind her, my heart pounding hard and my whole body shaking.

The demons are moving towards us-- they don’t seem to have legs: they just slither over the ice.

Cassandra strides forward to slash at the one that arrives first. She is quick enough that she lands a solid hit in: her sword cuts through the rags the demon is wearing and slices a long deep gash across it’s chest. The demon seems to pay absolutely no mind to the black sludge that begins to ooze out of the wound.

She continues to hold herself in a defensive position and parry the first demon’s attacks as the other two join in. She focuses on keeping them from flanking her, and in the terror of the situation I forget I’m standing here defenceless.

But I am immediately reminded when one of the demons makes eye contact with me, and clearly decides I’m a much easier target. He slithers towards me with purpose but not all that quickly, giving me very few but apparently just enough moments to realize I need to _get the hell way from it._ I quickly look behind me hoping to find the boxes of weapons that are there in the game, only to find that they are completely covered in debris. I would have to dig them out. _Crap._

_Not that I could use any of them effectively anyway, but a shield would have been nice._

My instincts kick in and I turn to make a run for it. I run to the right, away from the others, my knees screaming at me after the fall, deciding the best thing is probably to just run in a big circle around the lake until Cassandra can kill them all.

_Well, we can try to, because let’s be honest with ourselves here, seven years of severe chronic illness doesn’t lend itself to being able to outrun a persistent murderous demon._

I manage to get enough of a heads start with the adrenaline that’s pumping through my body that I start to think my body might not fail me this time. The demon screeches in what sounds almost like a rebuttal to that thought behind me. I don’t bother looking back to see how close it is because I have to keep running.

I notice as I pick up speed that my boots are slightly slipping on the ice. I want to be sure in my footing but I really can’t risk slowing down any more than I already am from unfitness and pain, so I push myself harder.

As I’m drawing closer to completing my loop around the ice, I see Cassandra has already slain one of them. _Good, not much longer._

But then my knees give out, and I slip on the ice.

I fall onto my side and slide all the way into the pile of rubble that was the bridge.

I quickly turn over to see that the demon has almost caught up to me. Its long sharp claws are being raised above its head as it prepares to impale me.

It screeches one last time before it swings its arms down towards me.

All I do is raise my arms in front of my face and close my eyes, preparing for the death that’s coming.

Something inside of me clicks, and I hear a voice that doesn’t entirely feel like mine.

_We came here to help! We can’t die yet!_

And with that yelled thought, I feel my body kicked back hard as fire erupts from my hands. I open my eyes to see the demon before me being consumed by the fire _that’s coming from my fingers._

I just stare in shock until the fire from my hands fizzles out, and the demon falls to the ground-- burnt to a crisp.

_What in the actual fuck is going on?_

I just continue to stare at the charred corpse, my brain unable to process what just happened. The smoke coming from the demon smells putrid. _God, I wanna throw up._

I look over to see Cassandra, surrounded by the corpses of the other two now-dead demons, staring at me with her brow furrowing in confusion. Clearly she wasn’t expecting this either. But unlike myself, she quickly recovers from the shock and holsters her weapon. I blink at her as she wordlessly turns and walks over to the rubble, and begins digging.

_I guess this sort of shit is normal for her._

I slowly and stiffly get to my feet. My fingertips are tingling. I guess it’s the excess mana burning away, or some shit like that.

My head feels numb but clear. I wander over to Cassandra, and lower myself to my protesting knees beside her. I’m not really sure what we’re digging for, but I help.

“Leliana and Cullen had guessed that you may have been a mage, due to your build and the strange things in the bag we found you with, but I had thought it more likely you were simply a noble. As you are dressed far better than any normal mage would be.” Cassandra speaks simply.

“However, even a circle mage from a noble family would have been able to fight better than you just did... Did your family pay to keep your magic a secret?” She questions.

My brain is so fried from everything that has just happened that I don’t even think about my answer.

“No. To be honest, I wasn’t a mage before.”

That makes her start. Her eyes snap to mine.

“What do you mean, ‘before’? Before the Breach?”

“Yeah. That demon I just lit on fire is the first time anything like that has ever happened to me.”

“…Now that I was not expecting.”

“You’re telling me.” An unexpected chuckle escapes me.

“That is… truly bizarre. The others will wish to know of this.”

_…Should I have kept that to myself?_


End file.
